Detour ahead

I'm sure you are wondering why I have not blogged for a several weeks...Well sometimes life can send unexpected detours.... In the past couple of months I have gone through several changes I could not explain I just knew inside something did not feel right... I tried to be positive but I constantly felt depressed and tired...When I went to NY with my husband I thought for sure I would find that spark of energy again. That motivation and positive feeling... It was when we returned I finally learned what was happening to my body, I finally have some answers.  Just not sure what to expect next.  Before we left for NY I noticed my neck was swollen, it was very concerning but at the same time I felt maybe I was just over reacting. So I forgot about it and went on an amazing vacation with my wonderful husband Jim.However the day we returned from NY I started feeling sick. After a few days home I became even more ill so I went to see my dr this last Tuesday. I think his reaction was very concerning when he noticed my neck and told me it was too swollen, he mentioned my thyroid and said it needs to come out.. He sent me to get and Ultra sound yesterday and that is when I learned some concerning news... They found 5 Nodules attached to my thyroid, the only way to explain them is to compare them to tumors or growths. I find out Monday if I need a biopsy/radiation treatment or surgery... I am scared of having Cancer in my thyroid, my grandmother Ruth Whitten had it and she was just fine. Just saying the word Cancer can feel so scary! I attached some photos of my ultra sound and thought maybe if I blog about this I might realize this is nothing to be scared of.I've cried allot today I am scared. lots of  people tell me if you have cancer then the thyroid is the right place to have it. Why do I feel so scared then? I should relax right? this is crazy

Nodule 1 This Nodule pokes out of my neck  L3.15 cm
H 2.77 cm W 3.19 cm

Nodule 2

Nodule 3

Nodule 4

Nodule 5

Space is a beautiful gift!

Ok, so, last night my family and I went to the movies... We went to see Spider Man, truly a fun and exciting movie... I was stunned when I sat in my seat and found I have shrunk... You would think that 25 lbs of weight loss would not seem like that much to loose....

How ever, I have lost 25 lbs! When I sat down. for the 1st time in years I had plenty of room to be comfortable in my seat!!! I was so thrilled and able to enjoy the movie with out trying to adjust my seating through out the movie! I have now lost 3 more lbs so I am down to 190!...

I have a long road ahead of me, however I am thrilled about continually being surprised with the ongoing changes with my weight loss... Remember to love your curves!!! and love your self!!!!

Extra Space!!!!

3 more LB's!!!

Yes! Back on track with the weight loss!!!

Started a couple months ago 215 lbs now I am 193 lbs

I have been working out in the swimming pool at the req center for the past couple of days...

You can find Water Aerobics Exercise Videos listed on YouTube under: Shawna Zorka

Check these exercises out and try them... You will be happy with the results....

1. Water Aerobics Jogging 

2. Water Aerobics Bicep Curls

3. Water Aerobics Side Kicks

Just to name a few... I truly enjoy seeing others faces when I am doing these exercises... I am certain they are saying to themselves "Is she jogging in the pool" I would respond "YES!!! And loving it!!!" 

You should always try and find fun ways to exercise... Find what works for you and run with it! No pun in tended...

I truly enjoy going to the pool with my son James. He is great at encouraging me, I am hoping in a month I can say I am way below 193 closer to 180... We will see, time will tell.

I have been enjoying walks with my son to the park in the evenings

Of course we have to bring Pepper

I truly am looking forward to continuing this amazing, difficult, exciting, exhausting change in my life and health...

Remember my beautiful friends "Embrace your beautiful Curves!" and "Love your self!"

One Swimsuit does NOT Fit ALL!

Started the day with a smile ready to get healthy. Till I went with my son James to find myself a new swimsuit. 2 stores later and I felt so down about myself image. I tried on so many swimsuits with different results each time. It seams like the only choices they have for plus size beautiful women is the one size suits all.


Wrong! I do not want to wear a suit that looks like something with lots of old fashioned flowers,  colors so depressing with a skirt at the bottom. Why do designers only believe that plus size women need to dress down and hide our bodies! we should be able to embrace our curves! We can still look nice and cute at any size and yet this is the choice they offer...

This makes me look older than I am!!!

It seems like the designers create a style that is really cute on a thin tiny person and then enlarge it for plus size women, Sorry that does not work for our shapes we should have cute suite designed just for our body types!...

I walked out of the last store almost in tears feeling so down about myself. My son James possibly noticing how sad I looked said to me "Mom you are not fat!!" He kept saying it over and over again. 

I was ready to go home and skip swimming today in my old suite but James would not let me feel sorry for myself. He convinced me how important it was for us to go to the req center and I have to say I had an amazing fun time. He even swam laps with me and kept encouraging me to keep going. 

By the time we were ready to leave I had swam 40 laps crazy right! Im sure I will be tired tomorrow. 

The reason I kept looking for a new suit was because I have lost weight and my swimsuit is becoming larger on me.

James said "Mom why dont you just stitch up the suit to help it fit better" He is such an amazing young man I am so blessed and lucky to be his mom!

Every plus size women is BEAUTIFUL!!!

I wear many masks with my depression

I wear many masks with my depression

Its been a tough couple of weeks, I have taken a break from working out to give my foot a little rest.
In the past couple of weeks I have struggled with depression and anxiety due to making a decision to take myself off of all my antidepressant medications. I am concerned what side affects they may be having on my body.


Since these changes I have been making in my life, its been a struggle to be motivated.
Today I forced myself to get back on track again. I went to the store first and picked up some healthy food for the week. Then I took my son James swimming at the req center.

Healthy but costly

Hi Mom

I swam 10 laps back in forth and then did some exercises in the water. I am feeling it now! I plan to go
again tomorrow. I know this will be easier on my foot while I get that figured out.


I do not want to sit home and do nothing. I want to get healthy!!!
Jim told me this last weekend he would like to take our family to Hawaii next year or on a cruse!
Either way I have work to do!  I will get my body ready for lots of fun in the sun!!!
So I changed my Blog page again, this time with pictures of the beaches, just to remind myself to accomplish my goals....


I have dealt with depression for many years and been on so many many many different types of medications to over come/calm/num myself while dealing with this, I don't know what to call it.


I just know that I hate how it effects my self worth. Sometimes I feel like BLAH BLAH BLAH lol


I picked out some pics to give you an idea of what depression sometimes feels like to me...

Sometimes I feel confused not sure how I describe that feeling

Others will mention at times I seem insecure or depressed

Sometimes I feel like I stand out in a crowd mostly alone

I do try and find ways to deal with the depression so it will not affect my family...

This is why I am trying to get healthy I am hoping to change all of this in a good way...

I am thankful for all the many wonderful friends and family who have shown so much love and support!!! I love you all!!!! THANK YOU!!!!

Injurys SUCK!! I hate set backs!!

I think I have a fracture in my left foot around the big toe Ugh I think its from too much stress on my body from working out.  My bone cracks when I move my toe and my foot is really swollen, I don't want to stop working out, I am certain I will be back at the gym tomorrow after work of course.

I'm sure its ok.  It will get better some day but I am afraid if I give up exercise for a while it will be too hard to get back on track again.

When I went to the gym today I worked on the stepper for 40 minutes. I didn't walk on the track because my foot hurt so much. Tonight I felt guilty for not walking earlier so I went for a walk around my neighborhood with my son James I took some nice pictures and enjoyed the beautiful evening. I just wish I had not hurt my foot.

I am afraid if I go to the dr he will tell me to hold off on working out for a while.  Can I still work out on a fractured foot? I am sad about this set back :(

It felt good to be outside walking tonight 

James had so much fun with pepper on this walk

Such a beautiful view from our neighborhood

Love your Curves!!!

There is so many crazy diets out there to choose from:

South Beach          17 day          Juice           Weight Watchers           Nutrisystem     

Just to name a few....
Anyone and everyone you know or  may not know has a diet they believe will work for you....
The minute you mention you are trying to loose weight, thats when you hear the lastest fad....
We all want to help....

Even at the gym this morning I learned about the 17 day diet...
I do believe its important to help each other with lots of support...

We need to find a moment to chuckle when we feel stressed and down about the way we look.
Trust me when I say "We are all Beautiful!!!!"  Say it with me "We are all Beautiful!!!!"

Feel Beautiful! Allow yourself to live and enjoy who you are!!! The weight will come off with hard work and dedication! But mostly if we love ourselves and embrace our beautiful curves!!!

Just remember, no matter the advice or fad you try to help loose weight.  Just enjoy life while you  make these changes
 
LOVE YOUR CURVES
and
LOVE YOU!!!!

Be proud do not hide who you are

How much do you love your curves?

Ok, so I when I speak with family and friends I find so many are concerned about there weight, there shapes and there curves.  I say we should enjoy the bodies we have. Once we notice how each shape makes us unique and beautiful in our own way, we can enjoy our curves and feel better about ourselves.

Do you ever feel this way

How do you see yourself in the mirror

 Yep felt this way before

These are ways we all see our selves at times.

When we step on scale it hurts to see the weight gain
When we look in a mirror we hate the way we see our selves
When we try on clothing they never fit right

The way we see ourselves truly reflect how we treat our selves...
If we just enjoy the bodies we are given and are proud of our curves, then we can find the courage to change what we do not like about ourselves without loosing the beauty of who we are....

So what if sometimes the scale give a number we do not like to see
Next time we look in the mirror try and notice as many beautiful features we each are given
And sometimes the clothing we choose to try on will not fit the way we like. That is the designers fault

We can embrace the curves and love ourselves!!!

I challenge each of you to be proud and not hide who you are!!!!!.....

Fun mishaps on family vacations....

I had an amazing time with my family on this vacation... Just a few mishaps happened....
So when we arrived it was truly difficult to find healthy food at the parks, basically, I realized we would have to skip the diet for a week. I did my best to try and find something with a little less grease! Not that easy to find at the park. I thought maybe with all the walking we did, it would be somewhat like a work out.
It might have worked if we had better food to choose from. I do feel a little sad about gaining back 6lbs :(
HOWEVER! I can start over! I can start over!!!! Thats right, when we struggle and have mishaps that effect our weight loss then we can start over!!!! So, starting Monday I am heading back to the gym. I will act as if I did not go off track, Just a little set back.

I did not hide from the camera this vacation. I embraced my curves and decided to step out of my comfort zone, I had so much fun hanging out with my son. We took tons of corny pictures and lots of nice ones too.  I even decided to take a few trips to the pool and did not hide my body. You know what I am talking about, wearing so much clothing and getting right up to the pool, making sure no one was watching then quickly removing extra clothing and jumping in before anyone can see my fat body in my swimsuit.

This time I just did not hide at all. I took a long walk over to the pool and enjoyed a nice swim at night. truly amazing and felt great for the summer heat... It truly cooled my body off...

Now for some fun and sad mishaps on this vacation.

Why the rice you say?
Well, I gave my husband some bad advice.
We all went down to the pool Monday evening
My husband was fighting a cold, he did not want to go for a swim.
I told him it would not hurt him to take a dip in the pool.
20 minutes later, my husband is holding his Iphone and saying
"My phone is ruined I forgot it was in my swim trunks"
I went to the front desk and told them what happened they gave
me a bowl of rice and we tried to save the phone, sadly
it did not work. My husband now has a new phone...

Did you know if you do not put sunscreen on you can get a really bad Sunburn?
I remembered to put sunscreen on my family but forgot to put some on for me.
OUCHIE!!!!.....

Sending prayers to an amazing beautiful friend

I mentioned a couple days ago about my dear friends loss of her Mom and tonight sadly her father has passed as well. Some how sharing photos and talking about my vacation does not feel right when a dear amazing friend has suffered such terrible losses in less then a year.

So I want to dedicate this blog tonight to my amazing friend Kelly! I am so truly sorry for your loss, Kelly you truly are a strong beautiful and very talented young lady. You will truly touch so many lives with your talent. I am so very sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine all the pain and sadness you are feeling at this time. I want you to know that you will always be a part of our family and we will always be there for you!

I am at a loss for words.  I ask now for all my friends and family to start a prayer chain tonight for this beautiful young lady Kelly, Please place her and her family in your prayers!!! Hug your families tonight and every night!!!!.....

Lets send Kelly so much love and support!!! Please pray for comfort and love!

1st day in CA

So we are finally in CA... Crazy couple of days... We left SLC on Saturday and spent the night in Mesquite NV with my mother in law, we had a really nice visit she took us out to eat at a nice restaurant I had some yummy filet mignon.... I worry about her at times since my step father in law passed away a year ago. I am happy we were able to spend some time with her and we plan to see her again on our way home...

We left early this morning and arrived this after noon around 5:00. Driving through Las Vegas was so much fun, LOL, NOT!!! there is allot of road construction going on. We had quite some fun trying to find another entrance to the freeway, of course that took an hour out of our schedule. I was able to take some really nice photos though... I would say We did have to use the bleep button allot with my husband lol when we could not find an entrance with all the trafic. I feel bad it was so stressful for him... I do feel very lucky though to be married to such an amazing guy!!! I love him and felt really happy today knowing we are having such a nice family vacation away from work and stress :) I took some fun photos I plan to take lots more to add to this blog.... I hope you enjoy our vacation as much as we are! lots of love and hugs to all!!! XOXO

Disney Land Vacation Here we come!!!! :)

So my family and I are leaving for CA tomorrow!!  We will be returning on 8th. I will try and blog some while we are out of town and post pics of our fun vacation.

I am truly lucky to have so many amazing friends and family!!!! love you all and look forward to continuing my journey on weight loss next week when I return.

Even though I will be out of town I will continue to be careful with what I eat and try and get some exercise in.

Thank you all for your amazing support Big Hugs!! I hope everyone has an amazing week!!!!

Enough with the negativities :) more cute summer closes

Some other summer tops I picked up for our trip to CA

I think this one is truly cute!!

This one has rhinestons and a tie at the bottom

Today is one of those days "HELP"

Gympact App Makes You Pay for Skipping Workouts | Oddity Central - Collecting Oddities

Would you buy this app if you knew you would have to pay money every time you miss working out at the gym?

What motivates you to work out?
What scares you about getting healthy?
What would you be willing to change in order to be healthy and thin?

I watched my husband leave to workout every day and never joined him. I just felt like it was too late for me to change my habits with my age and body size, I felt like it would take too long.

One day I came to realize how unfaire I was being to my self and body.

I am so lucky to be married to such a kind and loving man who never gave me a hard time about my weight gain, I will say he is enjoying the changes though.

Sometimes I feel frustrated when the weight doesn't change @ times. I don't always loose weight but I think its because it takes time for our bodies to adjust to change and when we finally get in sink with the new life stile we soon start to shed the pounds. I  have not lost more then a pound since the last time I posted my weight loss :( I still am eating healthy and working out. I even pushed my self harder this past week.

30 minutes on bike

32 minutes on the stepper
and 1 mile on speed walking
I've only eaten  out once this week
I just had 1/2 beef taco with a few bites of rice and 1 glass of soda
every day I only drink water and eat healthy
I work out really hard but for some reason I feel a little down today

My husband told me to take a break from working out today because of some cramps I've  had in my leg
He says I am over doing it.  Why am I not seeing any more improvement on the weight loss?

Sorry this is one of those down days
I will not give up!!!!
I have come to far!!!
If I gave up now I would be right back were I started!!!

I feel it is important to blog truthfully instead of just stating the positive I need to mention the down days too.

Enjoy every moment with those you love

This is not going to be blog about my weight loss today, I want to share about a very special friend of mine. Last December she lost her mother to Cancer. I've known her and her mom for close to 15 years and have to say what an amazing family they are and were. Candace showed so much love and support to her daughter Kelly. With all the dreams Kelly has worked so hard for, Candace has been by her side through all the travels and meeting with individuals who can help Kelly with her dreams in music.

I have never seen such a devoted mom who loved cared and showed so much support. Kelly mentioned her mom would read books on any subject to help her rase her daughter the best she could. Candace was and artist in so many ways with nature and with painting. She found beauty in all she created!

Last December we lost our dear friend Candace to Cancer. I remember what a brave young lady Kelly was and how she put together a beautiful service for her loving moms memory. So many friends and family came from all over to remember our dear Candace, We all wore bright colors and told many funny and happy stories of our memories of Candace then we all wrote a note and placed them on Blue and White Balloons we released them all.

Today my dear friend Kelly is now dealing with her fathers illness of Cancer. He will soon be leaving this life as well. My heart breaks for my dear friend and pray she will be able to feel so much love in her heart and know how much we all love and care for her.

If you have a moment please say a prayer for my dear friend Kelly and her father who, at this moment do not have much time life together. Hug your loves ones and tell them how much you care about them, we never know how short this life is going to be.

Some of her outdoor art

When I first met them both at my wedding

Candace & Kelly
at Christmas a few years ago

Some of Candace's paintings

I love this photo! They looks so Happy!!!!