After my workout this morning, I spent some time with my Grandfather who is
Almost 95 He is a World War II Vet.
I had some time today to ponder why I sometimes have difficulty with depression and anxiety. I have come to realize these are some of the key factors that led to my weight gain.
There is some issues with my past I have never really taken the time to deal with. Starting with as a young child being teased and bullied through school, I did not have allot of self worth.
I remember having some hurtful things happen were there was a group of kid who played a truly sad joke on me. I remember key points of the joke, I will not mention all the details, Just that is was the last day of middle school.
I asked some girls to sign my shirt in the girls locker room. They wrote some truly hurtful words on my back, but that was not the worst part of the story.
Lets just say they placed something on my back, I walked out into the gym where the girls and boys gathered around me in a circle and started laughing.
One of the girls ran up and pulled the item off my back and threw it on the floor. I was so humiliated and ran back into the locker room.
I could share so many more storys, about my childhood. Its not important I just come to realize that if I don't feel self worth, then I will not succeed in changing my life.
Later in life I married a man I thought was the one. Once again I had no self worth, It started good but later it became very painful. I had been kicked punched told what "Bch" "Slt" "Hre" and so on.
He cheated on me and constantly told me he did not love me. I stuck with him for almost 7 years.
Soon after I left him, I met an incredible man who I have been with for almost 15 years. He is an amazing loving husband, by the way he never has complained about my weight gain. He is an amazing father, husband and friend.
This is not easy sharing such personal things of my life and past. Its scary to have my life out there for others to read. So this is a challenge to share my life with everyone. I do believe this is also a way to heal myself and grow then I can move forward and become a stronger person.
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| This was taken a few years ago @ my nephew 's reception |
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| My son James is almost @ eye level now :) He will be turning 13 in September. Looking back and realizing how much weight I have truly put on since this photo was taken. It truly makes me want to work even harder to take off all the weight in order to be healthy. |
I remember you took a lot of hell back in school. I never understood why, either... some kids just draw the fire of the others, I guess. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I know it's hard to let go of old hurts -- believe me, I never forget anything! -- but just keep in mind that it was all a long time ago, and you're no longer the person you were then. It sounds like you already have a pretty good handle on that, though... :)
ReplyDeleteJason, Thank you for your kind words, you were always a good friend to me. I am thankful for all the support, I felt it was truly healing to write about the past so I could let go. I have to say I am truly proud of one classmate who showed so much courage by looking me up and saying sorry I will not mention names. It really shows so much growth and strength to say sorry.
ReplyDeleteI do need let go of some pain my ex caused me but I am lucky who I am married to. He is an amazing husband and father I never have to be afraid of being hit or hurt. He has always treated me with love.
Maybe one day I can forgive my ex for all the suffering he put me through but I do feel like a stronger person now because of these experiences.
Jason you have always been an amazing friend!!! Big Hugs!!!